Now and Then
by swt xbytchy bebz
Summary: *Edited w/ different plot!!* Relena Darlian has found herself weeping so much more, having often state of depressions. Her mind is crowded with negative thoughts and she finds herself reminsicing about her life before the Gundam pilots, before Heero Yuy.
1. Prologue

**Author's Notes:** This ficcie is mostly 'bout Relena and her life **before** she met Heero. I doubt that any of you will be interested in this fic, seeing that none of the Gundam Wing pplz will be in it…well, except of course Relena, Pagan, her Mom and Dad...and **MAYBE** Dr. J and Heero might make a small appearance in this thing. There will another fanfic of mine that links to the writng found here, it's called **Love and Other Four Letter Words**…please look that up, if you wish to do so.  

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything 'cept my own original characters…and the plot…

Now and Then 

-Prologue-

                  Seventeen-year old Relena Peacecraft Darlian sat bent over an opened album on her queen-sized bed, the moonlight shedding light through her bedroom window. 

She was alone, her personal bodyguard, Heero Yuy, stood outside, on alert. Normally, he would've been in her room, protecting her there, but she requested some time to be by herself. 

He left, without any debate. 

After he left, Relena walked over to her enormous close, big enough to fit about 10 people, and retrieved a pale blue album from a top shelf. She held it firmly as she walked over towards her bed and placed herself on the mattress. The teenager delicately opened the book, as if she were afraid the object might disintegrate and be lost forever. After moments of gazing at various pictures, the Prime Foreign Minister began to gently trace the photos of her old album, and the faces of people seen in them.

She sighed quietly, remembering the memories. Smiling a bit wistfully, too. 

She wondered if the people in her pictures ever thought of her…if they ever missed her presence in their lives…like she missed them, sometimes. 

Studying every detail of her photos, Relena solemnly thought how distant every memory seemed, regardless if the pictures were taken only few years before. 

So much happened to her in that little time. 

So much. 

It didn't even give her any time to think about the people, the life, she would have to leave behind when she took on the title as Relena Peacecraft, Queen of the World, and then Vice-Foreign Minister, and now Prime Foreign Minister…

Relena could feel tears flooding her eyes, her vision becoming fuzzy, and her cheeks and nose beginning to flush with redness. 

She missed her old life. She missed her old friends. She missed being a normal teenager. 

She missed Aaron. And Christian. And Riley. 

She missed everything. 

But most of all, she missed her Father. 

True, she found happiness and joy doing her job, knowing she was doing her best to improve humanity and provide a safer haven for the people of Earth and the Colonies. 

But sometimes, she felt a horrid emptiness within herself…and when she tried to find something to fill up that emptiness, all she could seem to find was sadness. 

Sadness and regret. 

A small sob threatened to erupt from her throat, but she forced it down, even though tears had already begun to stream down her ivory face. Her teardrops landed on her cherished pictures—the only thing Relena had to help her remember the good times she had years ago with her friends, past boyfriends, beloved cousins and aunts and uncles, and her late Father.

She closed the book, laid back on her bed, and she curled up into a tight ball, her book of memories clutched tightly in her arms. 

She continued to cry, and this time, she let her small sobs and sniffles echo throughout her vacant room. 

She didn't care if anyone heard them from outside her bedroom doors. She didn't. Times like these, she didn't give a damn about being "strong"…she didn't give a flying damn! As a human being, Relena needed consoling sometimes, and she found it in crying herself to sleep. 

To her, every tear that she shed equaled one of her many deep, bitter sorrows. Excreting the tears, helped ease the pain, a little—even if it was just for a short period of time. 

Soon, the 17-year old beauty **did** fall asleep, vivid dreams invading her in her slumber.   

**A/N** waddya think? I'm rather proud of this chapter…R/R!!!! pwetti pweese? (I honestly don't think I'll get many reviews for this one, tho) 

~I know what you (the readers) are prolli thinking: **_Relena so does _not_ act like that! _**(Either that or **_Damn, this fic sucks XP)_** …Now, I know that Relena's a bit OOC, but c'mon…she desperately **NEEDS** to loosen up a little. I like her, an' all—don't get me wrong…but I would like her even **MORE** if she'd stop being **SO** boring **ALL** the damn time!!! …all I have to say. R/R!!!!


	2. Puppy Love

**Author's Notes**: a dream sequence follows… the _italics _are what's in the dream, and the none-italics are the thoughts made by Relena's subconsciousness.

**Disclaimer**: *sigh* must we go through all this again? Don't own anything… xP `cept my own OC`s. (*sniffle* so sad, I know)

Now and Then 

-Chapter One: Puppy Love-

                  Dreams invaded the young female that night…

_"Christian! ARGH! How could you do that to me?" an enraged 11-year old by the name of Relena Darlian cried out._

Memories her heart could still recall…

_"Do what to you?" Christian asked, innocently._

First crush, after all, could never be forgotten…

_Relena glared. "Don't give me that innocent look! You know perfectly well what you did!"_

No matter what tragedies occurred in a young person's life.

_Christian didn't answer her question, instead he said, "Look, I'm sorry, Lena!! But I was only trying to help you out!" _

_Relena groaned, hearing his words. "Do you realize that this affects **me **more so than **you**? You best clean up this lie of yours, Christian!"_

_"I will…" Christian promised his long-time friend._

_"Good, because until you do, our friendship will, from this point on, will be on hold!" With that said, Relena turned and retreated from the hazel-eyed boy. _

~*~

The next day after, Relena tried her best to ignore her one of two of her best guy-friends, the Stupid Idiot otherwise known as Christian.

_Christian, of course, tried to talk to her before classes began in the morning, but when she took no notice of him, he backed away a little. But it seemed as if 5th period, the Idiot Boy was getting frustrated. _

_"Listen Relena, we have to talk," Christian proclaimed._

_"So talk," Relena retorted, though in a tone lacking much enthusiasm._

Ah, young love…

**_"Please?" _**_the young boy pleaded._

_"What have you got to say? It better be worth my while…because frankly, I don't like the idea of wasting my lunch period with someone who I'm **supposed** to be ignoring right now…you have five minutes, like you asked. So I suggest you start talking before your time is up," Relena informed her hazel-eyed friend firmly. She tried to ignore the handsome eyes that stared at her, compellingly. _

Striking eyes were her weakness… shoulda poked every man who had such eyes.

_Christian took a deep breath before beginning. "OK, well, I know you're upset, Rel…you made it clear yesterday, and today too, with your Silent Treatment thing. And I understand why you are—what I did was wrong. Completely moronic, stupid, inconsiderate, and one of my typical boy, Talking-Before-Thinking-type actions."_

_"You can say that again…" Relena muttered._

_And Christian did. "It was completely moronic, stupid, inconsiderate, and one of my typical boy, Talking-Before-Thinking-type actions."_

_Relena couldn't help but giggle._

_"…And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to the ends of the world—and beyond!" Christian proclaimed. He paused before continuing, almost as if he was unsure about his next comment. "The truth is…I don't want you to be mad at me. I can't live knowing that…I just can't."_

_Relena smiled slightly at his statement, and she could also feel herself blushing, too._

Corny line… why'd I fall for it?

"I forgive you, Christian…that's really sweet of you to say, all those things. But you needn't have done so—you know I would've forgiven you eventually, anyway. Even if you hadn't cleaned up that mess of yours."

Oh… yeah…

_Christian shrugged. "Actually, I wasn't so sure about that…you're so unpredictable, Relena." _

_Relena seemed shock at that for a moment. And then she giggled, saying, "Yeah…I guess I am."_

The boy speaks the truth…

~*~

_"So, um, Lena…I was wondering if you were free for tomorrow afternoon…" _

_"Yeah, sure am…why do you ask?"_

_Christian scratched rubbed the back of his head, nervously. Then shakily he asked, "Well, I thought it might be nice…me and you…to go out for pizza together…"_

_Relena halted and turned to stare at Christian. "You mean…like a **date** date?"_

Duh.

_"Y-yeah…guess you can put it that way. Of course if you don't want to, I—" stuttered Christian._

_"No," Relena said, shaking her head. There was **no** way she'd ever dream of declining Christian's offer. What was he thinking?!_

_Christian took her statement the wrong was and his face fell. "Oh, ok, I—"_

Oops.

_Relena didn't let him finish. She realized he misinterpreted her "no". "I'd love to go out with you…"_

_Christian was bewildered by her statement. "Really?" he managed to utter out._

_Relena nodded. "Yeah…that is, if you still want to."_

_"Of course!" Christian exclaimed, happily. "Of course…" he murmured to her again, this time smiling like an idiot. _

Of course.

                  _The newly young couple continued to walk, slowly, as if stalling some time so they could to be alone together for a little more._

_Neither said anything to the other, and the two youths purposely tried to avoid each other's gaze…although, they **did **stole glances at each other every few seconds._

_Then, after some time, Christian moved closer to Relena and gently took her hand._

_Startled, Relena looked at their joined and hands and then looked up to stare at Christian. _

He smiled at her, uncertain and yet contently at the same time. Slowly, Relena returned his smile and she too moved closer, squeezing his hand tenderly, back. 

When they reached their destination, friends gawked at them for a while, before someone exclaimed, "It's about time!!"  And the group burst with light fits of laughter, as the new couple, blushed and held hands, never wanting to let go. 

Letting go… 

~*~

                  First heartbreak could never be forgotten…

"Christian… I'm sorry for your lost." 

_"Yeah, so am I..."_

_The pain of a loved one's death could never be comforted…_

"I—" 

"I'm leaving, Relena."

_"Wha—why?"_

"Father… and I can't stay here any longer. There are too many memories of Mother in the house. It seems so empty without her, now."

_Relena nodded. "I understand…" And then she cried. She cried for him. She cried for his loss. And for his Father's…_

And for his leave.

"I love you…" she murmured. 

_"I love you, too…" he whispered, with one last goodbye._

But he did not return her love for much longer…

September 21, AC 191 

                  _Dear Relena, _

_                         I'm sorry. I've met someone… Her name is—_

No, I don't want to know her name.

Anna. I'm sorry, but I've—

Fallen for her. Away for a few months, already forgetting me…

The love we once had, Rel, it's gone…

Has it? I didn't know until now.

I'm sorry.

Sorry… you've already said that. …But I am too.

I love you, still, Lena… As a friend. Forevermore.

Forevermore… No, it will nevermore be the same… 

~ Christian 

                  But friends we stayed, even after that. Or at least, we **were** friends.

~*~

"Rerena!" a little 6-year old boy with hazel eyes exclaimed. "You promise we'll be friends forever?" 

_The honey-blonde grinned at her long-time friend (who she first met by accidentally throwing a pail of sand onto his head in the sandbox). "Sure, Christian! Pinky promise," she said, holding out her tiny pinky._

_And he did the same._

So pure of a child custom… Such a shame it could wasn't kept. 


	3. All Grown Up?

**Author's Notes:** Probably the only **good **chapter of this story… read on, folks.

R/R!!!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything 'cept my own original characters…and the plot…

Now and Then 

-Chapter Two: All Grown Up-

                  Relena Darlian awoke at 5:00 a.m., as she always did on weekdays. 

The difference was that this morning, her eyes were extremely puffy from the night before and she found the task of keeping her eyes open and getting up from bed a very difficult one. 

Reluctantly, however, she did eventually get up by within the next 5 minutes. She returned the photo album to its original place, and blindly stalked to her bathroom wearily, getting ready for another day. 

Unfortunately, when the 17-year old studied her reflection after splashing water on her face, she realized she looked like hell. She groaned and began to splash more cool water on her swollen face. 

                  By 6:15 a.m., Relena was all ready, dressed in a casual-formal way, her hair brushed and cascaded below her shoulders like a curtain of gold, and her face was no longer as puffy as before. In fact, you couldn't even tell if Miss Relena had been crying or not—unless you had seen or heard her the night before. Of course, Relena had to thank of her light make-up for that. 

Yes, the Prime Foreign Minister was no doubt a beauty…

If it weren't for that sad expression she had on, then she would've looked like a true goddess.

Relena glanced at the face staring back at her in the mirror once more, before she double-checked the items in her purse. There were some things she never left her home without. 

_Palm pilot…check._

_2 pens…check._

_Memo pad…check._

_Portable vid-phone…check._

_Papers with necessary information for today's meeting…check._

_Make-up bag (consists of powder, concealer, clear lip gloss, extra elastic bands, and mirror)…check._

_Mini hairbrush and comb…check._

_Floss and breath mints…check._

_Tissue…check._

_Pad and extra underwear and tampon…check._ [**A/N** hey, she IS a female—you should never leave the house without those two things…I speak from experience]

_Box of Tylenol…check._

_Novel for free reading…check._

_Pepper spray…double check._

As Relena came to the last item, a knock on her bedroom door was heard.

"Relena…are you ready? It's about time to go," a deep monotone voice said form the other side of Relena's door.  

"Yes, Heero, I'll be there in a moment," Relena replied in a similar tone. She couldn't help but glance at her mirror once more to check if she looked sufficiently stable. 

She did** look **steady enough…

Even if she inside, she didn't feel as though she was.

With a deep breath, Relena stood, saying a silent prayer that her poise, both mentally and physically, would stay firm and not break—at least, not until she came back to this very room; then, and only then, would she, Relena Darlian, let her mask break. 

~*~

                  "Good morning, Heero," Relena greeted her bodyguard as she stepped out of her bedroom.

"Hn…" was the only reply the Foreign Minister received.

They walked in silence down the hall, ready to leave the Peacecraft Mansion. Most would've felt extremely nervous at the eerie silence form the Perfect Soldier, but Relena was used to it. And anyway, she wasn't really pondering much about it since at the moment she was more focused on her thoughts and negative feelings. 

_It's probably just PMS…_ Relena Darlian thought to herself. Perhaps it was—that time of the month was drawing near, and just two days ago she felt those agonizing cramps that came along with premenstrual periods. 

Relena hoped it was just that…there were times when she came to hate these feelings she felt once in a while—usually when she had them during the most unfortunate times, like today, when she had a significantly important meeting to attend to.

The real horrid thing was, she had been experiencing the sad, lonely, longing, feelings a lot more than usual. Relena found herself going to her closet and retrieving memories that she had locked away and reflecting on them. 

She was crying a lot more nowadays. And everyone who ever shed tears for long periods of time knows it crying can take a lot out of you.  

This was certainly something Relena did **not** need—nor was it something she wanted in the least. 

_No wonder desire and regret are considered sinful emotions…_ Relena thought rather bitterly, as she and Heero exited her home.

~*~

                  "Prime Foreign Minister Darlian, what are your views on this situation?" one of the Earth delegates questioned.

For the past hour, the blue-eyes teenager sat listening and watching the Earth Sphere delegates bicker back and forth like children, and over such a silly thing that really was nothing of importance. 

And to think, some people had the nerve to call **her** a child!! The astringent irony of it all…

Of course, Relena had no choice but to oblige to the delegate's request, or rather demand. All eyes were on her now, and there was not an utter of sound in the whole room.

Relena didn't know whether to laugh or cry. To laugh blissfully for the flattering attention being given to her. Or to cry, for knowing that she surely did not deserve the respect handed to her at that moment. 

Finally, she spoke, "I don't think this is any of our concern…"

Obviously shocked, another delegate sputtered out, "Why is that?"

_Figure it out yourself; you're the one with nearly 20 years worth of experience in the political field, not me. _Relena thought. She was suddenly surprised at the bitterness of her thoughts. 

"Think of it this way… Each colony is similar to one child. Every one of your nations put a colony up in space to represent your homeland. However, like children, the colonies have grown, to the extent where they don't really need your support or assistance any longer. The situation at hand, I believe, is something the colonies should decide for themselves," Relena explained.

Instantly, realization and awe colored almost every face in the room.  

Of course, Relena up to the point, had begun to receive yet another endless list of compliments for her statement. Although the young blonde was once again, oblivious to their words, she had heard it all before, and she began to think about other things. 

One thought in particular clung to her mind: _All children grow…to the extent where they really don't need your support or assistance any longer…_

As she was escorted back to her limo, Relena murmured something to herself, "I haven't fully grown, yet…" And once again, that feeling of regret and longing washed over her entire being. 

She shivered at the sudden rush of emotions. 


End file.
